I belong to a Swedish BDSM forum and as people there are very different- just because you have an overlapping sexuality doesn’t mean you have the same personality. And though a lot of people are really nice and open-minded, there are some with views that flabbergast me. Today to a point that I need to rant a little. Here you go: Recently a man made a claim in a forum thread that a large number of submissive women are overweight. The reason for that is because they aren’t really submissive, but takes that role in order to get a man, as overweight female have troubles getting that.
How many wrongs can be found in that statement?
Let’s see… First we have the assumption that the ratios of overweight women are larger in this group than in other groups in society. I have absolutely no idea if that is true. I haven’t noticed it myself. I can say that if you go to a BDSM club there is a bigger span in ages and body types than you find in an average club. I have noticed the same in burlesque clubs too. I think that it’s not a bigger ratio, but rather a bigger acceptance for diversity. So people, who may not be comfortable going to a trendy place, do feel comfortable and welcomed at an alternative club.
Second; the notion that female sexuality depends on male sexuality. This so SO common and it makes me see red. So many med really thinks that women don’t have a sex drive of their own, but adapt to what the man wants. Perhaps it’s not more common in the BDSM community, but it sure is more common to find men who actually voice that belief. They come in all colours too. I’ve been contacted numerous men who are submissive themselves who has tried to manipulate, or asked outright, to get me to dominate them. When I have turned that around they have gotten all huffy and hurt because I don’t take their sexuality seriously. But it’s evidently all right to disrespect mine. Dominant men usually just tells me what I really want. Which curiously always is what they want, not what truly triggers me.
Third: That a weight considered more than the normal is unattractive. Well, it certainly looks that way in media, but in reality… Not so much. I have a padded figure all my life, sometimes weighing too much and sometimes not- but I always have breast and hips. I have never had any problems getting dates and can certainly not see that different weight shave had any impact on that. The truth is, I think, that even though a particular type can be more attractive to you than other, the type itself varies. Some men like slim, other curvy and so on. Same for women. And I think most of us have looks that you don’t find attractive at all. I know that there are some types of looks that I have never, ever found sexually attractive. I’m not going to tell you, because they are looks that are perfectly normal and I’m certain others can find them attractive. It’s just that for me, they aren’t. So I can get that someone isn’t attracted to a larger person, but I think you are vastly wrong if you assume that everyone must agree with you.
There’s been a lot of reaction on this and paired with the fact that the man also have said that most submissive women are mentally unbalanced (and preferable also 20 years younger than he is) and he is now banned from the forum.